Whoever I promised to meet for dinner tomorrow night, I can’t make it. I have to run.
Sunday’s run is going to have to be ran on Monday because I am still horizontal (it’s 2:20pm), I feel so wrecked and I need to meet a particular birthday boy quite soon.
I like the idea of structuring a routine for running, but man, the guilt of not running when you’re supposed to is just all the more apparent.
I’ll run tomorrow. I promise.
I promise I’m not an idiot. It’s just one of those days. And I’m having a bad hair day too, it’s not doing what it’s supposed to do.
Anyway. The run.
I did my usual quick circuit around the park. It’s short. Just a mile. You might consider it pointless, but it works for me because if I run it, at least I can tell myself I have gone out and been active. It’s enough to hurt and it’s enough of an achievement when I can feel it getting easier as the weeks go by. It’s a quick route I can do in under 15 minutes and I don’t have to run past schools and Newham College where all the students can laugh at my pathetic stumbling.
It wasn’t a good run. It hurt more than usual today and it took a lot to keep stumbling along and not stopping. There was a hot guy training another dude on the climbing frames in the play park though. Didn’t want to stop running in front of them so I guess that was motivation.
I ran. I promised, and I did it.
I should not be feeling so smug, it was only a mile and I was supposed to run yesterday. Maybe I am an idiot D:
I woke up thinking I had less than an hour to get ready for work and rushed into the shower. I was annoyed that I’d missed the slot I gave myself to run.
What was I thinking?
I just checked my watch and I’m running an hour ahead of schedule. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!
I’m abandoning the make up and I’m getting ready to run instead.
See you on the other side of shower#2.
FML.
My brother, Chris, paced me today. Really nice of him. He wants me to run this half marathon properly, so he is pushing me. Having trained with him in the gym before, he’s (kind of) a hard ass. Mean. He’s happy to make me suffer, it seems, to get the best results. So really, Chris offering to pace me was really mean of him. We left our parents house and walked to the park at the top of the hill our road is on. 0.41 mile walk. Yes I’m counting. We’re going to start running now, Chris says. I don’t believe him. But we run. 1 mile, without stopping. I struggle, obviously. 5 min walk. My legs are buckling. I’m SUCH a catch. By now we’ve already lapped the two (huge) fields one and a half times, but it’s time to run again. Ouch. Stopped to remove something from my shoe. Totally killed the momentum. Shit. Ok, run. Run run run. (still with the bouncy glorified walking, haven’t managed to find a style of running that is quicker than what I do that doesn’t make me want to kill myself). For this second mile, Chris is walking as I run. That’s how slow I run. But he’s good company, and he tells me, in detail, about this weird, trippy dream he had after we watched 50/50 last night. It was a hybrid of 50/50 and Inception (Joseph Gordon Levitt was in both, explains a lot). The girl from Twilight is in the film too, if you wanted to know (yes, i’ve watched Twilight). Anyway, I sped up for the last 0.05 miles. Chris made me. Didn’t feel too bad, but I was glad to slow down again. Walked 6.5 minutes. I think Chris felt sorry for me, and gave me an extra minute and a half. The last mile was awful. Stopped twice because I didn’t even want to stand up anymore. Dry-heaved once because I spotted some pretty horrific dog deposits (the smell hit me first *heaves again*) and that really threw me off. Sped up last 10 metres and nearly died doing it because my legs were possessed by something other than my own brain. Then we walked home. Overall, pretty pathetic. More than pathetic. At no point during that run did I feel at all good. I wasn’t allowed to listen to music, so it gave me a good opportunity to watch my pacing and breathing, but even though Chris ran so slowly and walked half of it, I was still struggling so much and could barely breathe. Total fail. My arms feel abnormally heavy when I run. Does anyone else feel this? How do you get them to not hurt?! I kept asking Chris to hold my arms up for me. It was funny the first time, annoying the other six times. He refused, every time, obviously, so I hooked my thumbs in my pockets or gripped my collar, just to try to kill the pain a bit. My biceps are now fucking killing me. Got home, grabbed some stuff from my car, sat down and spoke to my mum for a bit. Forgot to stretch and realised this only when I starting feeling cold. Now I’m in pain. FML. I was wrapped up in a fleece throw thingy just to keep any sort of heat insulated. Whoever invented running was a sadomasochist. Now I’m writing this in the bath, hoping to work life back into my biceps and thighs. If I struggled with 3 miles, how the fudge am I going to run a half marathon? I seriously regret telling anyone I would run this half marathon. I’m thinking specifically of Charlie Dark here. If I could quit without losing face, I would. But I can’t. So here’s to four more months of running blogging… Stick with me please, I could (obviously) do with the support.
My brother told me that I’d have to stop eating so much cake if I am going to run this half marathon without suffering.
Fair point. I do have a somewhat high sugar diet.
But how much do I have to change in terms of what I eat in order to help me run?
I’m hoping nothing at all. I eat when I’m hungry and I eat what I crave (or what I have left in my fridge/freezer), but never too much in excess and I don’t really drink fuzzy drinks or eat take aways or that much junk food. My main vices are tea and cake, desserts or biscuits.
My plan is to continue with this. It’s worked so far. I figure that as I run more and demand more of my body, my body in turn will demand more of what it needs. So more protein to stop aching muscles and more carbs when I’m planning for a long run. I’m not an idiot. I know and love food. I have a healthy relationship with food and what I eat and I don’t want to lose weight.
I am, however, looking forward to having abs (plural) as opposed to the ab (singular) that I have now.
Ah good times. I send my I’m Running. I Promise. tumblr out into the atmosphere and the first post that hasn’t been waiting to be published for several days is an excuse.
Hmmmm. I should have made time to run today. I did NOT think ahead. I haven’t eaten and I’m exhausted.
Run tomorrow before work. Or else.
I was supposed to go running with Niketown Run Club tonight. I didn’t. Hmmm…
But here’s why:
I have a stiff neck. It hurts.
I had an event at work which meant I ate lunch at 5:30pm. I was still too full to run.
The girls I was supposed to run with couldn’t come. Totally bottled it on my own.
I’m going to run when I get home. Promise.
EDIT:
I got home that night, quickly changed and started running before I changed my mind. I didn’t stop until I heard the Nike+ lady say “one mile” and I did it in my fastest ever time of 10 minutes and 17 seconds.
I called Chris and Bangs to celebrate as soon as I got home.
This is how I see it.
For many people, running is easy. Or at least if it’s not easy, it’s not hard. Or at least if they find it hard, they get some weird satisfaction from it.
This is not the case for me.
I find it boring. And I have no stamina to run consistently for longer than 5 minutes. I’m not good at it. It hurts. My legs don’t want to coordinate with the rest of my body properly, my lungs feel as though they may burst with all the laborious gasping for breath, and it all just gets a bit too much. Like, surely it shouldn’t be so much freakin’ effort?! It’s just propelling oneself forward in a consistent manner, no?
Yes. Theoretically. But not por moi. And I’m ashamed to admit it so openly, but, realistically, I am really unfit and I don’t exercise because it’s hard. Which is obviously worse because, more than anything, it just suggests reveals an unattractive lack of self-motivation and, more to the point, self-discipline.
I eat well. Well enough. Ok, put it this way, as much as I post pictures of what I eat, and it looks like I’m constantly bingeing and sleeping off food comas as the sole member founder of #TEAMWHALE, I do actually eat quite a balanced diet. I could eat a few more vegetables. But who couldn’t? What is important to remember is that I like vegetables, so that’s a Healthy Point for me then. I should probably try to eat fewer packs of biscuits though.
So anyway, I digress. Running…
—-
Let me set the scene of a typical running experience.
I stand outside my door, running trainers (cushiony Lunar Racers, ssshhhh don’t comment, they’re my favourite), leggings, t-shirt (cotton, loose, comfortable) and a Windrunner or a Stormfit layer, earphones in, house keys lodged in my bra (can’t stand when they jangle in my pocket), half a bottle of Evian (a full bottle is too heavy) and I’m choosing a playlist to run to on the Nike+ app.
I look like a runner. A real running person.
I’m ready to go.
I start jogging.
Lightly.
(It’s more of a glorified, bouncy walk, if I’m honest).
100 metres.
200 metres.
300 metres.
310 metres.
Walk.
Walk.
Walk.
Walk.
Song finishes.
Ok. I’ll run when the new song starts.
Ooohhhh maaaaannnn. Ok run.
It’s now a stumble-y kind of run. Really rubbish.
Walk, walk, walk.
Bra suddenly too tight and very distracting as they (wear two for bounce-restriction [ladies, you feel me on this]) are now crushing my ribs.
Ok. Someone’s watching me walk (not run) in my running uniform (LOL). Have to run again.
Ok. Force myself to run to the end of the road.
Stop 3 metres from the end of the road.
Walk.
Run.
Walk.
Walk, walk, walk.
Oh, nearly 2 miles, eh?
Well, I’ll just walk back to the house to ‘cool down’.
Enter house.
Stretch (the vaguest of vague stretches) while informing my housemate just how many more metres I managed to run before having to stop to walk. Needless to say, he’s never impressed.
This is my average run. Not particularly impressive, is it?
—-
In the last few years, especially through Twitter, parties, gigs, sales and hang-outs, and then more recently through my job, I have had the opportunity to meet some truly inspiring people. And truly inspiring people always seem to be happy and have a relatively balanced life. I mean, my life is balanced - other than inconsistent working hours, it’s balanced. I just don’t find time to exercise because sometimes I’d rather go out to dinner. But truly inspiring people that I’ve met exercise. And they like it.
So anyway, the long and short of it is that I noticed a great deal of friends were starting to run. And they all raved about it and asked me to start. And I was like NO! HA! PASS ME THE MIXING BOWL, I’M MAKING ANOTHER BATCH OF BROWNIES! LOLZ! ROFL! BLAH BLAH BLAH!
You get the gist…
—-
My younger brother, meanwhile, got better at cycling. Better at running. Was going to the gym regularly. At this point, I had fully surrendered my gym membership to the boyfriend I had at the time, believing that someone had to use it to make the guilt of shelling out wasted money every month feel less apparent. My mum was always quick to remind me I’m crap in comparison and I’m going to get fat. I just felt really underwhelming. But I was busy, you know?
—-
Two of my OG Twitter buddies (we go way back to before Twitter was cool and when most people could spell) were tweeting lots about running and training. Danielle seemed to be having a blast while she ran, but she’s so upfront in her tweets, and her self-expression is so understandable, that I wanted to be having a blast too! Then there was Muireann, who was jogging a bit, then boxing a bit, then taking calls from Idris Elba and becoming an international blogging sensation, whilst deciding to run the Paris Half Marathon and getting loads of women wanting to run with her. She set up Team Bangs on the Run, and I wanted to join, but I didn’t want to run. So I missed out. It was a huge success.
—-
One day, (this is like a real story now, don’t you think?), I saw Muireann tweeting Charlie Dark (he of Run Dem Crew founding fame)and I knew she was getting really serious about running, so I offered her my discount to design some running trainers. I introduced her to colleagues who would make sure she would be involved in running events for our department, and she blogged and tweeted about all of her experiences. Muireann, Bangs, has stayed in my mind and on my Twitter feed as someone that I associate with running. She loves it. Bangs and running go together like me and carbs.
(I feel like I’ve said “running” too much in that last paragraph, but it will serve as a reminder that this is really, really, really about running. I promise.)
—-
Jessica, a really good friend I kept after university said she was running The Great South Run. I was really impressed. She was running and training and loving new life in London. It never occurred to me to run with her, God no, but I would meet up with her to eat all afternoon and drink copious amounts of tea while she taught me to knit. We have absolutely nothing in common (except for a cat obsession) and yet we get on like a house on fire. Her attitude to running made me reconsider mine.
I also have a friend called Patrick, whom I’ve known for several years through a great many mutual friends. I thought Patrick only joined Run Dem Crew on a hype (he loves his cool kids), but whatever his reasons, he had gone from the guy who his friends ribbed for being a bit chubby (to put it lightly – sorry Peigh), to the guy who had lost so much weight that he actually looked taller (yes, Peigh *spud*). Patrick was serious. And he had run the Paris Half Marathon. While I was probably still in bed, drinking tea and eating cake (not an exaggeration). Let me make this clear, I don’t want to lose any weight (I’m hoping I’ll gain some muscle from this, but that’s not even my primary motivation), but if Patrick can run, then surely I can move my ass and do something.
—-
Fast forward to summer 2011 when I met Charlie Dark. By now I was interested in running, but hadn’t actually done anything about it. And as he designed trainers for his brainchild, Run Dem Crew, I spoke to him about starting to run.
Now, other people had already asked me to come down to 1948 and run, but an invitation from Mr Dark himself is something else. I wasn’t ready for it though, and he accepted my excuses with a knowing nod. I am still so not ready for it. I’m struggling with 3 miles, so let me not think about 7 mile runs yet.
—-
During August, there was a challenge at work to run 30 miles in 30 days in order to win a pair of new running trainers. That was a GOOD incentive. I joined late. Gave myself 26 days to run 30 miles. I didn’t run every day, but it was August and I included my (speed-) walking to the station every day to up my mileage. I did it. Got my free trainers. YAY! Ok, so I didn’t run it all. I walked about half two thirds of the 30 miles, but here was the real beginning of my relationship with running.
I now ran.
I could manage a whole 0.6 miles before I would have to slow down and walk. YAY FOR MEI!
—-
Then I got a chest infection and could barely BREATHE without wheezing and so I didn’t run. For ages.
—-
I saw Muireann at the Nike sponsored Run to the Beat event in South East London where I designed running trainers with Reg Yates and some of the athletes who ran the race, got sweaty hugs off friends I knew running it, talked Patrick through his nerves because he showed up a bit late, said hi to Ellie Goulding and chatted with Rick Edwards (he’s hot in real life too, and lovely and tall and… wait, I digress…) about how crap running is when you’re really tall/have really long hair (great use of creativity from us both there). Saw Run Dem Crew and the RDC Youngers warm up, run and celebrate a great achievement. Congratulated everyone and felt a bit disappointed in myself that I still wouldn’t ever consider even a half marathon.
—-
Then one day I received a tweet from Charlie Dark.
@DaddyDark: @missmei Berlin Half Marathon April 1st. What you saying?……
@missmei: @daddydark I knew this was coming! I shouldn’t have tweeted! Did you send it in reply to a #TEAMWHALE tweet just to make me hysterical?
@DaddyDark: @missmei I know you could do it and inspire a whole heap of people along the way. you might surprise yourself
SHIT. How do you willingly disappoint a man like Charlie? I had no choice. I agreed.
I signed up.
I was really doing this. I am really doing this. I am really going to run a half marathon. I’ve never done anything that requires self-discipline in terms of health or fitness. It’s too boring. But new leaves or whatever. I’m turning them over.
—-
The training must begin. I have more stamina to build than most (as mine is beyond pathetic).
I bought running clothes. Man, they’re expensive!
Then I went on holiday. To Madeira. Lovely place. Took loads of running gear. Planned to run every day.
We stayed in the mountains. Where there are lots of steep hills and winding, sloping roads with hairpin bends.
I ran on one of the afternoons when it wasn’t actually chucking it down. Once. That was it. HUGE sense of satisfaction though. I get why people do this.
—-
I ran when I got back to London too.
I met up with Danielle. We ran through Catford, chatting about life and work and running and how nice her bum looks in leggings. It was drizzling, it was cool, the conversation was great – it was quite romantic, come to think of it. I didn’t even notice she had me running up a hill, until about half way. She’s that good.
Danielle had me running without stopping for just over a mile. New record.
—-
I ran the next day. I made it to 1.29 miles. New record again.
- - -
The plan is to keep running until I am ready to run a half marathon. I want to do this and I want to do this properly.
Which is why I have decided to blog about this. I am going to post about every run. And every excuse I give not to run.
Already I have promised to run on Tuesday night. And then Wednesday night. But circumstances kept permitting me.
Hopefully, as I continue to post runs and excuses I will:
· Be able to keep a solid online account of my experience of training for my first half marathon.
· Develop more motivation to run as a result of general running and feedback from blog.
· See how many excuses I give to not run and be able to physically see (as will everyone) how reasonable/pathetic they are, and then hopefully feel more inspired to run.
So there you have it. An epic reportage of absolute blah of why I am running and why I am blogging about this.
Special thanks to the following, for their motivation and inspiration so far:
